Seven months after her passing, Victoria's mother discovered a digital diary that Victoria had been keeping in her laptop. That diary contained detailed entries about her life and her thought process about suicide. They were written in the four months prior to April 14th, 2014. That morning, at 4am, she would would fall 10 floors to her death.
Victoria's family made the contents of her diary available to Jesse Bering, a research psychologist at the University of Otago in New Zealand. We scraped exerpts of the diary from Bering's published findings in his book Suicidal: Why We Kill Ourselves.
Applying our model to Victoria's writings allows us to see if our model -- trained on data from online communities -- would generalise well to an unseen test set. In this case, an individual's words.
Using social psychologist Roy Baumeister's theory, Bering mapped different parts of Victoria's diary to six different progressive stages from "falling short of expectations"(stage one) to "high self-awareness"(stage three) to the final stage of "disinhibition". We've matched Bering's findings to each diary exerpt in our dataset.

<class 'pandas.core.frame.DataFrame'> RangeIndex: 1897 entries, 0 to 1896 Data columns (total 12 columns): # Column Non-Null Count Dtype --- ------ -------------- ----- 0 title 1897 non-null object 1 selftext 1897 non-null object 2 author 1897 non-null object 3 num_comments 1897 non-null int64 4 is_suicide 1897 non-null int64 5 url 1897 non-null object 6 selftext_clean 1897 non-null object 7 title_clean 1897 non-null object 8 author_clean 1897 non-null object 9 selftext_length 1897 non-null int64 10 title_length 1897 non-null int64 11 megatext_clean 1897 non-null object dtypes: int64(4), object(8) memory usage: 178.0+ KB
<class 'pandas.core.frame.DataFrame'> RangeIndex: 62 entries, 0 to 61 Data columns (total 4 columns): # Column Non-Null Count Dtype --- ------ -------------- ----- 0 vic_detail 62 non-null object 1 journ_entry 62 non-null object 2 stage 62 non-null int64 3 notes 62 non-null object dtypes: int64(1), object(3) memory usage: 2.1+ KB
(62, 4)
| vic_detail | journ_entry | stage | notes | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 | Final Group Text to her friends | "Love you all, sorry guys." | 0 | |
| 1 | Letter meant for Grace | "I just\nwant to say that it has been an hones... | 0 | |
| 2 | Letter meant for Grace | "If you ever feel\rsad or lonely/' Vic wrote i... | 0 | |
| 3 | no timestamp | "I don 't want other kids to feel like freaks ... | 0 | |
| 4 | poem | She laid her head on the pillow beside me,\nFl... | 0 |
| vic_detail | journ_entry | stage | notes | journ_entry_clean | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 | Final Group Text to her friends | "Love you all, sorry guys." | 0 | love sorry guy | |
| 1 | Letter meant for Grace | "I just\nwant to say that it has been an honest comfort to have someo ne that\nunderstands," "Th... | 0 | want say ha honest comfort someo ne understands thank much saving sanity make feel like alone hu... | |
| 2 | Letter meant for Grace | "If you ever feel\rsad or lonely/' Vic wrote in a letter to Grace, "please remember that you are... | 0 | ever feel sad lonely vic wrote letter grace please remember living breathing intri cate strong i... | |
| 3 | no timestamp | "I don 't want other kids to feel like freaks or teachers to\nalways assume that the kid at the ... | 0 | want kid feel like freak teacher always assume kid back class never raise hand shy really paraly... | |
| 4 | poem | She laid her head on the pillow beside me,\nFlyaway curls spread across the downy lint,\nHer eye... | 0 | laid head pillow beside flyaway curl spread across downy lint eye closed spine convex slim hand ... | |
| 5 | Suicide note found in her pocket | "If I'm brain damaged,"\nit read, "I don't want to be kept alive. I don 't want to be a\nvegetab... | 0 | brain damaged read want kept alive want vegetable | |
| 6 | poem | I snuck a lighter from the kitchen\nWhen I was fifteeni not to smoke: to smell.\nI lit incense s... | 0 | snuck lighter kitchen wa fifteeni smoke smell lit incense stick incense stick inhaled sandalwood... | |
| 7 | poem | Winter Mind - It's a shadow that sweeps over you.\nGrey skies. Charcoal streets coated with grim... | 0 | winter mind shadow sweep grey sky charcoal street coated grime glistening wetness rusted lamppos... |
<class 'pandas.core.frame.DataFrame'> RangeIndex: 62 entries, 0 to 61 Data columns (total 5 columns): # Column Non-Null Count Dtype --- ------ -------------- ----- 0 vic_detail 62 non-null object 1 journ_entry 62 non-null object 2 stage 62 non-null int64 3 notes 62 non-null object 4 journ_entry_clean 62 non-null object dtypes: int64(1), object(4) memory usage: 2.5+ KB
| journ_entry | vic_detail | predicted_suicide | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0 | "Love you all, sorry guys." | Final Group Text to her friends | 0 |
| 1 | "I just\nwant to say that it has been an honest comfort to have someo ne that\nunderstands," "Thank you so,\nso much for being there and saving my sanity. I just ... you make me\nfeel like I'm not alone, and that's a huge deal." | Letter meant for Grace | 0 |
| 2 | "If you ever feel\rsad or lonely/' Vic wrote in a letter to Grace, "please remember that you are a living,\rbreathing, intri cate, strong, indep endent [person] with the ability to love and\rto laugh and to cry. You have empathy, intelligence and kindnes s, and Grace, you're\rpretty danm awesome... | Letter meant for Grace | 0 |
| 18 | "We dissolve into a sea of faceless, name less humanity. Just\nanother grownup with no one else to take care of you. When you're\na kid, people genuinely care. You're young . People can't help but feel\nthe need to help you achieve the things they couldn't. When you get\nolder, peop le stop cari... | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 1 |
| 17 | "I never really understood\nthe value of honesty until recently," "It\ncan both heal and destroy you." | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 1 |
| 16 | Oh the irony. He was a middle-aged guy in a lurid orange shirt and\nhad a kitschy attitude. He told ushowwhen we're sad, we're supposed\nto put a patch on it and move on. I wanted to build a case for myself\nto contradict a lot of things he said. He was simplistic. We all have\nour own ways to c... | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 0 |
| 15 | "I'm not that much of an idiot. There are wor se things than failing\nschool. But when there is nothing else worse than that in your life,\nit's the most terrible thing you can let yourself do:' | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 0 |
| 14 | "If I fail these exams, I know that my\n will be ruined and I can kiss University goodbye.\nI can kiss my life goodbye. All I want is to be a good psychologist.\nI can't do that without a proper degree and a Masters: ' | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 1 |
| 13 | I think ( and I know it sounds melodramatic ) that I might not make\nit this year. I know that when I see those grades bold and black on a\npiece of paper - I will either jump for joy, or jump off the top floor of\nthis condo. I know it is absolutely ridiculous to kill yourself because\nyou fail... | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 1 |
| 12 | "I've known that I will never have a\ndazzling life, what with the grades I get "But if I keep carrying on like this,\n I might actually end up\n.\nsnapping. | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 1 |
| 11 | "I have so many opportunities," "If some people were\nme, they'd be so happy. They'd have their own room. They'd have a\ngreat school. They'd live everyday like it was heaven. Hence why am\nI being completely self-indulgent? I shouldn't be so wrapped up in\nmy own stupid, worthless problems, wh... | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 1 |
| 22 | "I woke up early with my heart pounding,"\n... it was seven in the morning and somehow the cortisol or adrenaline\nor whatever chemical it is forced me out of bed. I was thinking\nabout all the untouched homework. Kind of shocked me how much\nI hadn't done and how much I was supposed to do. I tr... | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 0 |
| 25 | ... I don't want to fight. I don't want to live. I have had noth ing bad\nhappen to me except my own doing. I don't deserve happiness. I\ndon't deserve to complain. Take it from me and give it to someo ne\nwho needs it. Let another complain because they deserve to. Please\njust get rid of me. | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 1 |
| 19 | "You know, one of those chicks that look like they have it all."\nBlonde. Lithe. Top grades. Popular. The whole jealously wrapped-up\npackage. I mean she was exercising1 for heaven's sake. Walking down\nClaymore Avenue with $200 Nikes and a cloned training buddy, no\ndoubt to the gym .... It's k... | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 1 |
| 20 | "I am the definition of a hypocrite . An angst-ridden, over-sensitive\ndelinquent . . . I'm a stupid fucking drama queen ."\n"It's not other people. It's just me:' | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 1 |
| 21 | "I'd better give myself instructions, "\nshe writes with bitter sarcasm . "You have to get up, Vic. Now you have\nto get dressed. Wears something discreet Now you have to fold the clothes\nfrom the dryer. Maybe I'd better take it slow. Pathetic. Just pathetic:' | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 1 |
| 24 | "I don 't deserve to be alive. I don't want to face\nthe trials of reality, which is obviously cowardice. I have let this cowardice\nenvelop me, and I can't shake it off." | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 1 |
| 23 | Im not\nworth her time. I'm not worth anyone's time. I'm toxic to her . She\ndoesn't need to be held back by me. She's got her whole life ahead\nof her. She's so much smarter and kinder and funnier than she\nthink s . . . . She'll be okay. They'll all be:' | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 1 |
| 26 | It's kind of surpr ising how superficial everything is. You talk about\nTV shows and music and grades and all the same stuff, it makes you\nthink people are disconnected from their own darkness . Or perhaps\nthey just don't allow th emselves to become sad. They put a patch on\n whatever wounds l... | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 0 |
| 27 | "I'm still marveling at the fact you can\nthrive in a world of inner happiness ;' she observes. ''And then let\nperipheral reminders crash through and rewire your brain to make\nit think that pursuing contentment is useless." | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 1 |
| 28 | "I hate the subject\nbecause I don 't know anyone in it:'\nAnd there's always the terrifying possibility that we could have to do\na practical, where I get to show my un-sportiness and unpopularity,\nbecause the class is small and the only people who are in it are popular\nhigh-achievers. If l g... | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 1 |
| 29 | "Seriously, I never imagined\nI would say any of those things to anyone. Let alone someone who\ngot it . . .. Thank Christ for honesty. She gets it all. Thank. Freaking.\nChrist. . .. We talked for ages about stuff we hadn't said before . I\nwould never ever in a million years have considered th... | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 1 |
| 31 | "I want to\ngo on a train :'\nThere's something numbing about going on a train. I don't quite\nknow what it is. It gives the illusion of taking you far away, taking\nyou away from everything. It's not like a library, where you have\nto look like you're doing something, and it's so quiet, you can... | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 1 |
| 32 | "I listen to sad descants and instrumentals." "I read Anne\nSexton, a poet whose words uncover beautiful and terrible reality."\n"Right now I'd be happy if some one flicked a switch that would make me sleep for a long time ." \n"I think calms me down when my thoughts get out of control.\n But on... | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 0 |
| 30 | ... I spoke of things I would never speak to my parents. Now a\nonce-stranger with not a drop of my blood in her veins knows me\nbetter than one whose eyes are almost the same as mine and whose\ncombinations of DNA formed my very existence. I almost laugh at\nthis absurdity. How can one who has ... | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 0 |
| 37 | "Everyone will\ndrift apart. I will be alone in a small town where I don't fit in. I'm not\na New Zealan der. I don't care that it's on my freaking passport, I am\njust not one. I don't know how to adapt. I would miss Singapore too much. \nBut at the same time, I can't stay here. I don't think I... | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 1 |
| 33 | "Well, Miranda knows I self-harm ed. I'd never have considered\nshe'd work that out. Thank God she hasn't told "I explained that it was like thos e thought s of\nhopele ssness had gotten out of control and I wanted escape. She\nthought I meant by the blade. I was talking about death. Though I\nt... | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 0 |
| 34 | "Today was bad/' "Sat in the shower. Did the whole crying bit .\nSat in bed. Did the whole sad songs and crying bit. I thought about\ndeath too many times today. Wanted to be by myself again at lun ch.\nStuff to tell Miranda: wanted to be by myself today, incessant suicidal\nideation, just fix m... | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 0 |
| 35 | "sedating melancholy"\n"It's a\nfunny thing about emotions. When you are happy, you know that\n it will dissipate, but in that moment it feels like it could last forever.\nWhen you are sad, it is long. A protracted and dull lethargy that is\n dense, and you forget that it won't last forever. Dar... | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 0 |
| 36 | "I know realistically that this anxiety\nthing is not going to go away. I will live my life completely alone ." | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 1 |
| 38 | "I got distracted by fleeting moments of egocentric\nhappiness a few days ago. I momentarily forgot that happiness is just\na distraction from the reality of life." | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 1 |
| 39 | "If I don't do something it 's all going to spiral out of control)" | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 1 |
| 48 | "But no one\nwill know about this: '\nI'll probably end up getting buri ed with a garish headstone with the\nwhole "Beloved Daughter" et cetera, my heart , lungs and kidney still\nin my body, my little necklace thrown away. My books collecting\ndust in old boxes. My clothes in the garbage. But i... | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 |
| 47 | "If I'm getting\n my 'affairs' in order, I might as well sort some things out. Here are\n my things to sort out ":\n... my heart, lungs and kidneys will go to someone who deserves\nthem. The rest of me will become nutrients in the earth, like how Sylvia\nPlath wanted to be recognized by nature, ... | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 0 |
| 46 | Tm sleeping late\ntonight. I'm letting the triggers engulf me and overpower the \nvacation, with the gritty truths of the disillusionment that is\nlife ." | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 |
| 45 | "For\nthe past three days . .. I did not think thoughts that I now want.\nSuch as doing sedating things that do not make sense, like catching\na train and traveling without a destination. Just traveling . Seeing\nthe people as nothing more than chromatic hardcovers with untold\nstories. Replicat... | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 |
| 44 | "Like now I'm thinking 'why bother?' Why even bother if I'm setting\nmyself up for failure:' This kind of thinking is more unhelpful than usual,\nbecause this is the\npoint where a lot of people stop trying. And the whole thing kind of\nintensifies into this huge downward spiral, where shit actu... | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 |
| 42 | Im tired of this. They're putting too much pressure on us. I'm\ntired. I told myself to get up and do my homework like a good girl.\nBut I'm just sitting here, way too tired than I should be." | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 |
| 41 | "God knows I should be running\naround using up adenosine triphosphate stores and diligently studying\nlike an actively functioning young adult. But here I am, sitting\nhere . Wasting precious time." | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 0 |
| 40 | "It's what you might call a non- cataclysmically but-\nstill-destructive coping mechanism /' 'Im neither hungry nor full. I'm neither\nbored nor active." | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 |
| 43 | "Right now the future seems like a\ndark, obscure place that I can't see myself in. There's nothing ahead.\nNothing:' | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 |
| 49 | "I strangely\ndidn't get overwhelmed like I usually would when this happens. Not\nsure whether I should be relieved or alarmed: ' | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 |
| 50 | "I taught two people the value of life," "You will lose me.\nMy god, it will destroy you. What I will do, will be unforgiveable." "\nI will commit the worst thing you can ever do to\nsomeone who loves you: killing yourself The scary thing is, I'm okay\nwith that:' "I am not sad so much as gone," | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 0 |
| 53 | "Two\n[families '] front doors were open. To let in the top -floor breeze into\ntheir living rooms:'\nI got scared. God forbid , they'd see a white girl looking down over\nthe edge. So I got the lift back down. I wanted to be isolated. To find\na place where no one could find me. I saw the old f... | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 |
| 54 | "I need to stop thinking\nabout death and suicide and all this crap."\nI still want to be dead. But I want to get better. I need this to stop. But\nI can't do that to my parents ... it would kill them. How do you go up\nto someone and say "I want to stop wanting to kill myself, but at the\nsame ... | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 |
| 52 | "lingering\ndespondency" "failure at not doing [home ]work sooner,\nconvinced that I was now a total failure, total lack of motivation, fears\nabout the future." | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 0 |
| 55 | It chokes the fibers of your trachea and engulfs the acid in your stomach,\nreleasing the poison into your lungs. For a second, you can't\nbreathe. You forget how to breathe. You forget all those hopeless\nprecepts, which are suddenly trapped in books of childish fairy tales.\nReality stares you... | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 0 |
| 56 | the fear, and do it anyway. I will do it. I have to. I have to go. I will\nbe that girl who was sick. Sick in the head. I don't think I am. I just\nwant to go. | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 |
| 57 | ("I know I will do it "If\nnot the last day of the holidays when Grace comes back then the same week when I receive my\n grades with the big, red low percentages: ') | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 0 |
| 58 | I am on the ledge. Heart pounding like crazy, my whole unbrok en\nbody shaking like a leaf. I have never felt fear worse than this. This\nis not dread, it's adrenaline. The finality of this moment makes me\nslowly breathe in and out. I have no last words, no note . Ju st a prayer.\nMy first and ... | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 |
| 59 | "I guess I'm nothing more than\nanother suicidal white girl," "Just another first-world brat\nsuccumbing to society's perfect illusions ." | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 |
| 61 | I remember somethingJ.K. Rowling wrote in the first Harry Potter\nbook. That there were more important things than Hermione 's affinity\nwith books and cleverness. Like friendship. And camaraderie.\nSadly, all that really matters, all that grownups are trying to drill into\nyoung minds, is succe... | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 |
| 60 | "We are each given a life. We're supposed to live it. I\ndon 't. It's as simple as that." \n"It comes suddenly and then d!issolves," | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 |
| 51 | "I knew I\ncouldn't go through with it. But I left the house and walked to the\nother apartment block that had ten floors. I got the lift to the top and\nwanted to just look down and see how high it was .... Suddenly, I\njust ... wanted to be dead: ' | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 |
| 5 | "If I'm brain damaged,"\nit read, "I don't want to be kept alive. I don 't want to be a\nvegetable: ' | Suicide note found in her pocket | 1 |
| 3 | "I don 't want other kids to feel like freaks or teachers to\nalways assume that the kid at the back of class who never raises their\nhand is just 'shy' . .. when they are really paralyzed with [a] fear and\nhopelessness that they believe no one could ever understand." | no timestamp | 0 |
| 10 | I will be - You lookup.\nStars\n little lights \nLittle places where you\n Cannot live with your \nLungs and your skin But \nwith your heart.\nMy little world will meet\n Yours and yours mine. \nMy organs, though left \nBehind in the earth to become\nThe trees, or to live and\n Be wanted in anot... | poem | 1 |
| 4 | She laid her head on the pillow beside me,\nFlyaway curls spread across the downy lint,\nHer eyes closed, her spine convex,\nSlim hands reachingf or someone\nIn the empty space, though my warmth\nEmanated, and my eyes breathed in\nEvery perfect lash, line and mark on\nHer canvas that she did not... | poem | 0 |
| 6 | I snuck a lighter from the kitchen\nWhen I was fifteeni not to smoke: to smell.\nI lit incense stick after incense stick,\nAnd inhaled sandalwood smoldering,\nAs the drunkards climbed the stairs,\nSwallowing tar and solute methane,\nBut really, what is the difference?\nWe escape our minds with o... | poem | 1 |
| 7 | Winter Mind - It's a shadow that sweeps over you.\nGrey skies. Charcoal streets coated with grime\nAnd glistening wetness under rusted lampposts.\nRain-splattered glass,the drops slidingd own car windows like tears.\nThe eternal, slow, steady rain falling, on cold days through fog.\nTangled, win... | poem | 0 |
| 8 | Cavity - She is empty.\nShe is the untenanted space Between the train and the tracks,\nThe filter between the mind and the face,\nShe is the void between the glass and the frame,\nA speck of dust on stained quartz crystal,\n And the moon's veil between wax and wane. | poem | 1 |
| 9 | She prayed and prayed,\nThe covers wrapped around her,\nListening to the clock tick away her time,\nUntil the day she left the bed,\nAnd left herself behind. | poem | 0 |
0.6451612903225806
Stage 6: Disinhibition 11 Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction 11 Stage 1: Falling short of expectations 8 Stage 2: Attributions to self 7 Stage 4: Negative Affect 7 Stage 3: High Self-Awareness 7 poem 6 Letter meant for Grace 2 Final Group Text to her friends 1 no timestamp 1 Suicide note found in her pocket 1 Name: vic_detail, dtype: int64
| vic_detail | predicted_suicide | counts | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2 | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 1 | 6 |
| 3 | Stage 1: Falling short of expectations | 0 | 2 |
| 4 | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 1 | 6 |
| 5 | Stage 2: Attributions to self | 0 | 1 |
| 6 | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 1 | 4 |
| 7 | Stage 3: High Self-Awareness | 0 | 3 |
| 8 | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 1 | 4 |
| 9 | Stage 4: Negative Affect | 0 | 3 |
| 10 | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 1 | 8 |
| 11 | Stage 5: Cognitive Deconstruction | 0 | 3 |
| 12 | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 1 | 8 |
| 13 | Stage 6: Disinhibition | 0 | 3 |
| 14 | Suicide note found in her pocket | 1 | 1 |
| 15 | no timestamp | 0 | 1 |
| 16 | poem | 0 | 3 |
| 17 | poem | 1 | 3 |
| 0 | Final Group Text to her friends | 0 | 1 |
| 1 | Letter meant for Grace | 0 | 2 |
0.7058823529411765